Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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