I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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