Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
