VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
