I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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