I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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