If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
