youre lurking in front of me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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