The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
