I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
