dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
These tits shall not be calmed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
