hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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