You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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