Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
