Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
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