the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He shit in the fireplace
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
