You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
