You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
