How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
