This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my shit smells like andre
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
