dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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