Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
and you fell through a lawn chair
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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