Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
