Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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