I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
