NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
