just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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