you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
