Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
