He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
