Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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