So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
