she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
