I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Randomize
