i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
