He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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