just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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