i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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