UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i will never coherently bang her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
