I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
