He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They took my balls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
