Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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