Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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