Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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