I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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