Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
