I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
