You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
