No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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