Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
