there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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