please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize