My nipple is on Facebook.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
