I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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