i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
