Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
